and what if i'm not okay

insecurity is a beast
that steals in and eats your heart out
and your confidence
and your control

i was trying to write something positive
a song that empowers you when you listen to it
(nevermind that i can't sing and have never
written a song in my life)
but all i could do was cut down the things that
are supposed to be

comparing yourself to others should be one of
the 7 deadly sins.
i guess jealousy is. and they are sisters.
because i don't often compare people's struggles to my own,
only if mine are greater.
and i know you have to 'be your own person'
and you 'only have one life to live: your own'

but i can't help feeling like shit all the time.
slightly depressed. moody.
wanting to snap at people or block them out altogether.
and yet craving intimacy.
at the same time isolation.

i don't feel competent
or strong
or beautiful
or successful
or creative
or genuine
or assertive
or smart
or funny
or friendly
or loving
or _______

should i feel those things?
is that selfish?

but i feel immoblized
lame
immature
emotional
and pathetic

of course writing this out makes all those labels seem true