for my nanc

there are gifts
and there are blessings

there are sunsets
and there are seas

there are some things that we cherish
and there are some people that we need

whoa... enough sappy poetry
i wanted to write words for you
(maybe because you called me a wordsmith
and it stroked my ego)

but i wanted to convey what isn't shared enough

i wanted you to know again and again

how oifasdjfodhfodsaihfdois you are
(what word do i put there, special? important? loved? creative? amazing?)

and i wish i could be there
partly to hang out with you
partly to kayak and make mosaics
partly to watch you love your kids
partly to bake and drink too much chai

i wish i could be there for some or all of those things
and i pray that God brings you what you need
what you may not even know you need

God provides for you nanc
because you trust him

you represent faith to me
(did you know that?)

you jump and trust and enter the scary unknown places
because you know and love a Jesus who is there with you

even in the lonely places
especially in the lonely places

but i pray you don't have to stay there too long
and hopefully the answer to my prayers
(and yours)
will be a hot, west coast hippie with beautiful dreads
who can play a mean egg shaker
and fix your broken cars
(preferrably male, since i really want there to be a beach wedding
so i have an excuse to be there for a few weeks to help 'decorate')

i love you mate
and you are loved.

just frustrated enough

well, i guess i am finally frustrated enough to actually write something here

sometimes when its late, you just want to vent to someone...
and i guess this world is as good as any... for now...

i just get so frustrated...
and maybe its my toothache...
or just that time of the month...

or maybe because the end is near...
too close... and not fast enough...

but i'm just tired...
tired of being lied to
tired of yelling and not being heard
tired of being disappointed
tired of watching bad choices take their toll
i'm just tired...

man, i love these kids
and that's why it hurts so bad sometimes...
and i'll miss them when they're gone...
but they can break your heart, make you smile, piss you off... all in a matter of moments.

i know i know,
its all part of being a parent...
and maybe that just happens when you give birth...
but man, i don't know...

of course, in the end...
the good outweighs the bad...
the love outweighs the manipulation...
the hugs outweigh the evil glares....

until then though...
i'm just tired

maybe it'll work this time

so, i wanted to create a blog... just because...
i don't want to write anything...
i don't really want to share...
but i thought 'what the heck'... 'i'll be cool' right?
didn't work last time,
should have taken that as a sign...
we'll see